Yuan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fortunefail) wrote2012-01-16 02:34 pm
fortunefail) wrote2012-01-16 02:34 pm
Entry tags:
- 87 [Accidental voice / Action]
[Locked]
[Yuan's scribbled something in his journal. It's a tally on how often certain people from Aselia have arrived in Luceti, to his knowledge. He was hoping to find a pattern, but there doesn't seem to be one.]
[Voice]
[And just as Yuan finishes locking up the filter, something distracts him, causing him to activate the recording function without realizing it. It's a soft but rapid tapping sound.]
Oh, Selene. [Footsteps, and a window opening.] It's snowing again, hm? ... Come in, then.
[The window is shut again and the journal catches a glimpse of Yuan walking past, holding something small, grey and fluffy in his hand. He's on the other side of the room now, but his voice can still be heard if you listen closely.] I doubt the cold will let up any time soon. It'd be best if you continue to sleep here until winter ends. ... No, I won't mind at all.
[He returns a moment later to find that the journal is recording him and shuts it with an annoyed grunt.]
[Action]
[Four years. Four years of being stuck in Luceti. He remembers being astounded for his first anniversary, but four years is something he never expected to happen. Compared to the long life he's already lived, four years might seem like nothing- just a small fraction. Yet Luceti's always been so hectic, so full of painful and awkward experiences that those four years seem like an eternity in itself.
Martel is in Luceti. Yuan still hasn't spoken to her since she left the house to meet with Mithos. Not properly, anyway. He knows she's all right, because she sent him the occasional message on the journal system, but nothing concrete. He never got around to telling her anything about Cruxis, the Church of Martel, the Desians, the Renegades... All the mistakes they've made after her death. ... He couldn't even tell her that she'd died. But how much had Mithos told her by now? How far would he have twisted the truth? He must've told her who's responsible for his death penalty. There is no excuse for this, Yuan knows that, but he still feels the need to explain himself to Martel.
It's leaving him very restless and the fact that Lloyd is still staying in the house isn't exactly helping that. Despite the cold, he's been venturing out into the forest every day to train- 'Train' being a very generous word for it, because most of the time is being spent just sitting and thinking in peace.
Feel free to catch him either by house 8 or in the forest itself.]
[Yuan's scribbled something in his journal. It's a tally on how often certain people from Aselia have arrived in Luceti, to his knowledge. He was hoping to find a pattern, but there doesn't seem to be one.]
[Voice]
[And just as Yuan finishes locking up the filter, something distracts him, causing him to activate the recording function without realizing it. It's a soft but rapid tapping sound.]
Oh, Selene. [Footsteps, and a window opening.] It's snowing again, hm? ... Come in, then.
[The window is shut again and the journal catches a glimpse of Yuan walking past, holding something small, grey and fluffy in his hand. He's on the other side of the room now, but his voice can still be heard if you listen closely.] I doubt the cold will let up any time soon. It'd be best if you continue to sleep here until winter ends. ... No, I won't mind at all.
[He returns a moment later to find that the journal is recording him and shuts it with an annoyed grunt.]
[Action]
[Four years. Four years of being stuck in Luceti. He remembers being astounded for his first anniversary, but four years is something he never expected to happen. Compared to the long life he's already lived, four years might seem like nothing- just a small fraction. Yet Luceti's always been so hectic, so full of painful and awkward experiences that those four years seem like an eternity in itself.
Martel is in Luceti. Yuan still hasn't spoken to her since she left the house to meet with Mithos. Not properly, anyway. He knows she's all right, because she sent him the occasional message on the journal system, but nothing concrete. He never got around to telling her anything about Cruxis, the Church of Martel, the Desians, the Renegades... All the mistakes they've made after her death. ... He couldn't even tell her that she'd died. But how much had Mithos told her by now? How far would he have twisted the truth? He must've told her who's responsible for his death penalty. There is no excuse for this, Yuan knows that, but he still feels the need to explain himself to Martel.
It's leaving him very restless and the fact that Lloyd is still staying in the house isn't exactly helping that. Despite the cold, he's been venturing out into the forest every day to train- 'Train' being a very generous word for it, because most of the time is being spent just sitting and thinking in peace.
Feel free to catch him either by house 8 or in the forest itself.]
no subject
...What am I even supposed to say to this?
[She only has herself to blame. Weak Martel. Sick, useless Martel always standing in the back. She wishes she could be angry; at Yuan, at Kratos, at Mithos, at anyone. But they would never have failed to keep their promises to her if she had not failed to keep her single, simple promise to them first. She had said she would be alright. She had said it so many times.
She had said it again only a few minutes ago, even though she knows now exactly how much of a lie it is.]
I'm sorry.
[Martel slips into another long, uneasy silence, before speaking again in a shaky voice.]
"Two months ago". "Half a year ago". "In the past year". "Until it was too late". Yuan, how long have I been...
[Dead.]
...missing?
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But Mithos, Kratos and himself... They all made the same mistake. They all strayed from the path they'd set out for themselves the moment they lost Martel to guide them. There is no one to blame for her disappointment but the three of them, the way he sees it. He owes her the truth, no matter how painful it is.]
... Time is a tricky thing in this place. I myself have been here for nearly four years. Mithos has been here for over one year and Kratos for about five months. Both of them have been here before, but lost their memories of their previous stays here.
[He pauses for a moment, letting that sink in.] You yourself have also been here before. ...This is your fifth appearance in these past four years and your memories of Luceti are always lost when you return here.
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...Yuan.
[Martel looks up at her fiancé in pity, almost forgetting the rest of his words or her reason for coming entirely. Four years? And he has been repeating this to her five times?]
Yuan, I-
[She freezes before another word can get out. Was it even five times alone? If memories were lost - had he been doing this even longer? What about Mithos? Kratos? How much time had they all spent telling her where she was, getting glimpses of her again only to know she would-]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[There's no use trying to keep her sadness out of her voice and eyes, so she turns her face away from Yuan completely to look at her knees.]
...I shouldn't have come, should I?
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For a moment, he's overcome by the urge to take Martel's hand, or place a hand on her shoulder. Anything that might be a soothing gesture. But she's sitting across from him, with a table blocking the way, so he loses his nerve again.]
You aren't to blame for this situation. There's nothing anyone can do to change it. ... It's a common philosophy to make the best of things while one's stuck here.
[Which is easier said than done when bad things keep happening.]
Suddenly, drama and dramatic icon!
[Martel turns her head back toward Yuan, not even bothering to dry her tears.]
If things cannot be changed, why do I have to cross the entire village behind my little brother's back to just talk to my friends? Why do I have to say my friends when I should be saying our friends? You all keep saying that I am not to blame - but you all treat me like I am! Things don't matter here, do they? You know how - you know how this ends. So can't you stop playing tug of war?
[She swallows a sob.]
I know Mithos is - no, I don't know. He's as wrong as the sky is. He looks the same on the surface... so do you... but you all feel like different people. And that's my fault. I'm sorry I'll die. I'm sorry I died. If- if I can, if I remember, I'll try to change things. What else do you all want me to do? I'm sorry you lost me.
[She lost them all at once.]
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[She's crying. She's crying, and it's all his fault. Maybe if he could explain things a little better, he could've softened the blow. He's just not sympathetic enough to consider how this whole thing is making Martel feel.
He finally finds the motivation to push himself to his feet and walks around the table to take the seat next to Martel.]
... I already told you, Kratos and I are to blame for what happened to Mithos. We made all the wrong decisions and we made them willingly. We lost track of what was most important. ... Mithos considers us traitors because we realized that we made a mistake, which is something he refuses to admit himself.
1/3
2/3
3/3
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[He doesn't meet Martel's gaze, he just stares at his own knees as he continues. She needs to understand that while it was her death that caused it all, it was the three of them who were ultimately responsible. It was the three of them who strayed. Not her.]
We decided that instead of germinating the Great Seed, we would use its mana and that of Derris-Kharlan to support your soul. We decided that in order to keep the two worlds in check, we would need to rule over them ourselves. ... And we decided that if we wanted to have a world without discrimination, everyone would need to become the same race. ... Angels.
1/2
The biggest thing. She needs to start with the biggest thing, then work her way down the smaller ones. If she tackles all problems one by one, calmly, methodically, she knows she can make some sense of what Yuan has just said. Everything always turns out alright with enough hope and patience.
What is the biggest problem?
Is trying to bring her back wrong? ...Is she even the right person to answer that question? Choosing her life over the Great Seed is wrong. Of that, there is little doubt. But is it more wrong than world domination? Surely it has to be. One implies the death of the planet, the other does not. A world without discrimination. That one is good. Bottom of the list, then. All races the same, no, that is the opposite of what they hope for.
Hoped for. Past tense. It has already happened.
Have they even ever shared her hopes?
Hope and patience. Hope and patience. Choosing her over the great seed is the worst wrong. Then making all people the same. After that, probably ruling the worlds. Where does resurrecting her fit? Perhaps here? Right. Resurrecting her. That is wrong. Then all people angels in a world free of discrimination, that one is...
...
That one...]
2/2
[They were all equal, all angels, in a world where people were kind and she lived on.]
You got exactly what you wanted.
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But this... Such a vague, almost bitter response... That's the sort of thing he was fearing the most.]
No. ... We envisioned some sort of... impossible utopia. A perfect world, without any kind of strife or pain. This is nothing like that.
[He's still staring down at his knees, his hands entwining with each other to the point where it may almost seem like he's praying.]
... I can't even begin to apologize for what we did. All the hopes and dreams we used to have... We lost track of everything.
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If it's impossible, then how about we don't?
[She spins around completely and faces the table from across the room, her voice still wavering, but determined.]
Apologize. How about we don't? It would be pointless, wouldn't it? There is no way I could make up for dying. Or that you could make up for - for - for what you did. For what Mithos and Kratos did. Not with words. There is no use even thinking about it. Not... here.
[Martel gestures vaguely at the village and the eerie world beyond the window.]
This place... maybe that is what it does. Twist dreams. Either we are all already paying for our mistakes somehow, or there is no point to it. So how about we don't apologize? If we know that we can't, why waste what time we have left on feeling sorry for ourselves? Or we could.. we could have something big and official and say how sorry we are all at once, then just... let it go. You said it - time here does not count. We don't have to spend it hurting each other.
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It worked, for the most part. There's less awkward tension between them than there was when Kratos first arrived.
But Martel isn't talking about just herself, Kratos and Yuan. She's involving the fourth member of their group in it as well.]
... If you can get Mithos to earnestly believe that, I'm all for it.
[He isn't trying to point fingers. He just knows perfectly well that Mithos would never drop this issue. Even if he were to agree to a truce because Martel asks him to do so, all those feelings of hatred would still be there.]
no subject
Are you certain you are from my future? You sound like I went back in time.
[Her laughter dies out as she grips her own elbows, all too aware of how thin her words must sound to Yuan. They already sound so to herself.]
...Do you mean it? If I can get Mithos to believe it, no matter how long it takes, then you will go along with it? Let it all go while we still can? I am not stupid. I do not know much at all, either about this place, or what happened after... after me. I understand that maybe it really is impossible and you have all moved on too far ahead for me to do anything. But we made it through things more impossible than this, and I have to keep hoping.
[Little by little, Martel's smile returns to her face.]
This is the only chance I get. I... got lucky, in a way. I know I have to make my time count. And I would like to make it count by doing this.
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He finally looks up to meet her gaze, a wry, almost painful smile tugging at his own lips.]
... You're still exactly the same as I remember you.
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[Martel's own smile isn't exactly free of sadness or pain, but it's a vast improvement on the obviously fake ones of the past week; this one is the real thing, not a mask. She raises her eyebrows slightly.]
I am going to hope that you remember only the best parts.
[She has no idea how she is going handle any of this, but if she is going to die regardless, then she will die trying.]
no subject
I would, but that implies there are worse parts and none of those come to mind.
[Martel herself never had any flaws- not like most people do, anyway. She'd hide her illnesses, yes, but not because of her pride. She'd do it to avoid worrying her friends. She'd do it because she's selfless like that.]
1/2, From slowness with love
Oh, I can think of many worse parts. Like the number of times I had to be half-carried somewhere. And then the number of times I had to be carried somewhere without the "half".
2/2
...None of it sounds real no matter how many times I repeat the words. Dying. Mithos and you fighting. I can't even pretend that it never happened, because it really never happened, not to me. It would be unfair to judge anyone for things that never happened, wouldn't it? So I won't. Time starts today, and it will be whatever we make of it.
[She stops to think for a moment.]
Did you meet people like this? From after you?
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But those last questions are a lot easier to respond to.]
... A few. Most of them from roughly two years after my time. [Which is nothing compared to what Martel has to put up with, but... Then there was Dhaos. Dhaos, who came from a very distant future and bore plenty of 'news' that doesn't sit well with Yuan.]
no subject
[Martel smiles pensively - a sad smile, but a real one nonetheless]
You will think I am silly, but I was wondering if someone had told you how things ended. Not - not dying, not that, but... if we really did change the hearts of people... and if we were... buried somewhere. Or given a memorial of sorts.
[She slowly walks back toward her chair as she speaks, then sits down, clasping her hands on top of her knees.]
We... didn't manage to live together. Not even to die together. I was hoping we at least all rested in the same place, or close enough. And that... things had changed since then, even if only a little. Maybe not in any of our lifetimes, but later.
no subject
It was true that Martel and Mithos were finally together, in a way, living on as a part of the new World Tree, but... Kratos would never be laid to rest with them. As for Yuan himself, he doesn't even know. Dhaos confirmed he will disappear from the world, but when? Why? Would his corpse fall even remotely close to the Holy Ground of Kharlan?]
... I don't know.
1/3
I ...am not sure which of my questions I want this to be the answer to. For the sake of the world, "resting together", hopefully.
[She mulls on her words for a while. What is one supposed to say to their fiancé after being dead for years, and how does one make their words meaningful when they are being spoken for what is probably the fifth time?]
2/3
3/3
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1/2
2/2
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1/2, I wish I could channel her Fandom 2 tone.
2/2
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